1) Your moat needs cleaning - do you
a) Grab those waders and your Marigolds and get stuck in?
b) Ask your gardener to do it for you?
c) Get the taxpayer to pay for it?
d) What do you mean moat ? You haven't got a moat? Doesn't everybody have one?
2) You need a new duck house - do you
a) Pull apart that old Chippendale chest of drawers and refashion it into a chateau for the canards?
b) Pay your local carpenter to knock one up?
c) Get the taxpayer to buy you one?
d) What do you mean you don't have any ducks?
3) Your servant’s quarters need renovating
a) Buy some Farrow and Ball paint and do it yourself
b) Call in the local builder to refurbish them
c) Get the tax payer to employ a team of architects and designers to do it for you
d) What do you mean you don’t have servants? Who answers your door for you?
4) Your second home needs refurbishing – do you
a) Move into your 1st or 3rd home whilst decorating yourself ?
b) Call in Kirstie Allsop to find some lovely ladies to do it for you ?
c) Get a team of designers and decorators to refurbish it for you and then flip your house?
d) What do you mean you only have one house?
5) Your neighbours are very noisy and you need some soundproofing – do you
a) Collect recycled egg boxes from your Farm and glue them to the wall of the house?
b) Telephone the police and demand an ASBO for your neighbours?
c) Get the taxpayer to employ somebody to sound proof your room?
d) Buy a set of earplugs and bottle of whisky?
6) You have a neighbour dispute and you need to demarcate your land – do you
a) Go to your local nursery to buy a lorry load of fence posts and put them in yourself
b) Get the local landscapers to put some up some fencing
c) Get the taxpayer to buy some for you
d) It’s not a problem - your window box doesn’t need fencing
7) You need to present a wreath at a memorial service – do you
a) Whip around your garden and make one?
b) Go to your local florist to buy one?
c) Get the tax payer to buy one worth £500?
d) Dig out your Christmas one and take off the robins and mistletoe?
8) You want some mock Tudor beams on your house – do you
a) Cut up your ancient Tudor sideboard and attach the bits to the wall?
b) Get your local builder to make you some?
c) Get the taxpayer to employ a company to attach some for you?
d) 'Ang about! Mock Tudor beams'd look a bit poncey on a tower block!
Mostly A – you obviously have a bit of cash, but you keep your feet on the ground. You are a practical make it and mender and are happy to have a go at repairing things yourself. But you need to work at getting people to do things for you if you really want to be an MP.
Mostly B – You are working hard on your persona and have good potential to reach Parliament. You are happy to get people to do things for you, but you are a little too sensible with the coffers. You need to work on wasting money a little more.
Mostly C – Well done you are true MP. You lack a grasp of reality which does you proud. You believe your constituents love you and those that don’t are just jealous of your big house that looks like Balmoral.
Mostly D – I am sorry to say, but you will never make an MP – you are obviously far too much of a man or woman of the people to ever be taken seriously in Westminster.